Me: Babe, this is a waste of time. We are walking around the mall aimlessly.
David: What do you mean? You love the mall. You always buy something.
Me: Well, I am just thinking that it’s Saturday and you could be home working on the deck.
David: What’s wrong with the deck?
Me: Okay, you know I hate the stain on it. It needs to be sanded off and redone. At the least it needs to be cleaned. I am pretty sure there are at least 1 million pine needles on it right now and people are coming over.
David: Really, it’s Saturday. I would just like to rest and play.
Me: But, you know, that’s not all that you need to get done. I have asked you and asked you to Bissell the carpet. Those dog issues on the carpet are all about you. I just think we should go home and get on it.
David: By “we” you mean me, right?
Mary: Well, these ARE your areas of responsibility. And while we are talking about it, you keep talking about redoing the bathroom, and yet, it’s still there. We need to get on that.
David: Hating to be redundant here, but you used the word “we” again in a way that I can only believe really means me. I was thinking we could just hang out here for a while longer and then go to lunch at P. F. Changs.
Me: You know I can’t eat anything at P. F. Changs. Well, that salad they have, but really, nothing else. I guess I could do that if I make them leave off the carrots and jicama and dressing and just bring me lettuce and chicken only. You know I just can’t eat cornstarch.
David: Well, maybe we could eat at Red Robin.
Me: Are you serious? They do not have enough wine choices and they have carrots in their lettuce as well. Plus that big red bird gives me the creeps.
David: Let’s just spend a few more minutes looking around the mall and then we can go anywhere you want. Look, there’s some wine glasses. You should be interested in that.
Me: Yeah, whatever.
David: No, really, I think I have found the perfect glass for you.
Me: Ha, Ha. Just because I have opinions and try to keep you on a schedule, you think I am whiney?
David: Check the spelling. It says “winey.” There is no way you can possibly argue with a glass that defines you as such.
Me: You know this is just a waste of time. Let’s go home and work.
David: I tell you what, I will agree to go home if you will agree to let me buy this wine glass and if you will agree to use it. I just want our friends to see you drinking from it. After seeing such a sight, I might be motivated to clean the deck, maybe.
If the glass fits… drink from it!
Winey Bitch Wine Glass from Spencers $9.99. Buy this for your woman at your own risk!